Hope

It’s been a few weeks since I updated the blog. Jax is thriving!! He is absolutely perfect and we have been released from our High Risk Specialists care!!! (More on that later...)

Sweet Peyton’s 1st Birthday is coming up soon. It’s a day that I have been dreading since I gave birth to her. How do I handle a day that’s supposed to be so special with this huge void in my heart?? How do I wake up and deal with the day, knowing that on that day, 1 year ago, my whole world fell apart?

That’s where Jax always comes in and reminds me that he is here. He gives me Hope. He is strong, and he is going to help heal my broken heart. 

Again, I have said this a million times...I am so thankful that I have Bryson and Tenley here on earth with me BUT, after the Stillbirth of Peyton, my arms were so empty. I have needed to feel the weight of another baby in my arms so badly. I prayed for the chance to have my last memory of childbirth be a happy one. I have prayed to be able to have another baby. 

Jaxon has brought so much Hope and happiness into my life again. Feeling him kicking and moving has already helped heal my heart more than I could have ever imagined. 

Knowing that everything has checked out and looks so perfect with him has really allowed me to bond with him. I have been so guarded with this pregnancy and have tried so hard not to get attached. But now that I know that he is ok, I can enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and get excited for him to get here!! The hope that comes from this new life growing inside of my belly has been my saving grace. He has gotten me through some tough days of missing Peyton and being angry that she was taken away from me. 

I thank God for him (and his siblings) every single day. I am so thankful that God has blessed us with another baby and that he has given me so much strength when I felt like I couldn’t handle the pain or the fear of losing another baby. He has made Jaxon perfect and my heart feels like it could just explode with love and happiness. Jax will never replace Peyton....but like I have said before, he sure will help heal our broken hearts.